On my fifty second birthday it was planned that my husband and I would to be spending it with my family at my daughter and son in laws house. Nick was smoking in his handmade smoker my favorite birthday meal. Although we live a good 20 miles or so away, but I swear I could smell the smoking meat. I could taste the tomato based sauce for the beans. Could not wait to finally taste the first bite of my son in laws' famous smoked roast.
Unfortunately, my plans for my birthday turned out differently than I ever imagined. My fifty second birthday reminded me that we all are so vulnerable. One September 2nd I was healthy, (so I thought), the next day out of the blue, I was shocked to hear the reality that I had been harboring a tumor that was cancer in my colon.
The next three months have changed the way I spend my day. It has not change me. I am still me just now I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. On Tuesday before my chemotherapy session I see the oncologist for approval for Wednesday cocktail of fur5fox. I sit for four hours in a comfortable recliner as the toxic drug fills my veins. I may be in a comfortable spot for my body at rest. But I am uncomfortable with what I see and hear.
I see pale faces thin bodies without hair. I see grown men with tears in their eyes as they tell me how they never drank, or smoked and they now are being treated for lung cancer that has also infiltrated their brain. So sad. I see young men sleeping or at least closing their eyes so no one can bother them. I know because sometimes I pretend I am sleeping too. It makes the reality of it all easier to digest.
Really though, during chemo no one finds it easy to digest. I have nausea and diarrhea. I can't swallow anything cold. When we do it feels like ice slithers jetting out as the cold liquid goes down the throat.
I have become a great fan of tea! Even hot water with lemon is refreshing. My fingers tingle at the slightest touch of cold objects. I have gloves clipped with a magnet on my refrigerator to remind me. Even my husband reminded me to take them when I went food shopping.
I just need not to write fancy words to begin my journal about my journey of colon cancer history. I by the way, feel more at ease with the words history of colon cancer than I do with the two words, colon cancer. Lifetime movies are created out of stories similar to mine. Never did I think my history of colon cancer could be a life reality. Yes, its my reality and from the very beginning of hearing the words I new I would not fight as others were telling me to do. But I would live my life being stronger to out live the cancer.
